Spring has arrived to London

Not sure if it will stay around long but here, you learn to appreciate the small episodes of sunshine...

My birthday came and went and so did the lovely Joey who came down from Scotland to have her first weekend away from her little milk monster. It was good fun... turning 35, not so much. Can't freeze time.

Sienna and I caught some rays just before we went off to work on Friday



hello! I'm not small, I am big!


If Sienna were blone... *don't freak it's my hair next to hers*

Soooooo yes I admit I tried it...

well i've tried a hell of a lot of things in my life there is do doubt about it. But miss Andrea convinced me to give online dating a try... so as with most things in life I have given it a whirl. It's been a 'laugh so hard you cry' thing... followed by the 'oh my god this is useless' and that's pretty much where it stands. But an interesting excercise nonetheless. My synopsis of the experience is that if you're nearly 35, single and have a child, forget it. The people you could imagine going on a date with want nothing to do with you... and I would love to say that even the people you don't see yourself going on a date with do... but alas that isn't even the case! I mean come on people. I sent a slew of emails and absolutamente nada. Their loss... my gain in life experience (and a few belly laughs along the way)

I'm off to the animal shelter to start my collection of cats as surely i'll need to start somewhere to start my pre-destined life of spinsterhood!


okay so i was trying to find an appropriate spinster photo on google... and seriously poor jennifer anniston as her pic kept coming up... so i went with this cat instead.

It's Saturday afternoon

i'm sat at home chilling in the lovely company of my friend Ollie. He doesn't live so far from here which is nice! Andrea and Danny are also going to stop by this afternoon for some tea and cakes. Miss Sienna is still sleeping as after lunch she couldn't handle much more and fell asleep in my arms before we even got home. The house is clean and tidy which is a sort of minor obesssion now after living in such sub clean conditions for such a long time in bcn, I've a grand appreciation for all things clean and tidy!

Work is finally starting to show signs of light over the top of the learning and adjustment to agency life curve. I've got some very kind and lovely colleagues so that helps tremendously. Sienna seems to quite like her new school although I'm horrified athat during a single 1min conversation last week one of the carers said innit to me 3 times! It is a proper east end location after all! Sienna now says water in a decidedly English accent it's pretty funny.

My lord...

Since I've written. Sienna has arrived... I've moved accounts on my new job... I've studied my ass off and passed my PRINCE2 exam. My mum left this morning and we all shed some tears...

LIfe is fast... stressful but slowly but surely I can see a nice little future shaping up. Dear me. I NEVER thought it was going to be this full on.

How much am I looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for the first time in weeks? VERY.

*collapes*

Tonight

I get the keys to our new flat and I grow one step closer to drawing a line under this whole transition process that’s been the main driver of our lives in the last 6 months.

Tomorrow marks a very exciting day for wee me. It’s her 3^rd birthday! Gutted, I am that I will not be with her until Sunday. But there will be plenty of time to celebrate once she arrives. Being apart from her for nearly a month has pulled so hard on my heart strings I can barely stand it. It had to be this way however as there was so much to arrange her to make sure her transition here was a smooth as possible. I’m so excited to see my mum again too as we’ve been spoiled in having her with us every day since the beginning of this whole palava.

I’m very slowly adjusting to the new job. So much to learn and a great deal of anxiety about if I’ll be able to do it or not. I’m sure I will it’s just that feeling of being out of your depths when you transfer from working at one place for more than 2 years and then starting again with all new processes and procedures… I’m scrambling but damn it… after all this I can’t fail now!!

Positivity, Prayers and Pennies will be gladly accepted :)

I think being back in London

Will greatly improve the diversity of my postings here. The amount of things that you observe in this big hunking city is truly amazing... Here's to brining the comedy back to this blog, we've had quite enough of the tragic kind for a long time.

I was on the tube the other night coming back from one of my numerous flat viewings. I was on the circle line heading to kings cross to make the transfer to the picadily line to head back up to andrea and dany's house... Then the most daper man i've seen in a very long time boarded the train. He was a page right out of a different time... he was immaculate, petite but so well groomed it was almost giggle-worthy. He had his hair cut in a short style with a light amount of styling cream to hold it in place without looking overstated. He wore a blue overcoat with suede lapels. A very large gold and silver rolex, a bespoke suit, a gold ring on his index finger with a few diamonds and Louis Vuitton loafers. I know that in writing this it sounds cliche which in it's own way it was but he carried it off with such an air or confidence and charm you couldnt' help but notice him. As the doors opened we arrived to the door at the same time and he halted and motioned for me to pass through before him. I did the mental tick box in my head in thinking... he doesn't just look the part, he acts it. He then floated a a great pace between all the commuters and then flounced up the staircase and out of sight. When I arrived to the next platform I had a few minutes to wait. What I didn't however notice, was the fact that he was right behind me. We boarded the next train and held the pole in the middle of the carriage as at that time of night the train was very crowded. It was so funny as I couldn't help but stare at him. He was such an interesting creature. I wanted to know his name his story and I cant' describe it but I just couldn't get over how old school English he looked. I'm sure he couldn't help but notice me processing him... So out I flick my ipod and in an attempt at subtle humour shuffled up 'this charming man' by the smiths. As I've got an ipod touch you can see the album cover and song name on the display. I'm almost certain he noticed it. Ha ha tube flirting!!

As the train pulled into my station I promised myself that if he got off the train at my stop I would ask him for a drink.... I got off, turned back to see if he too had gotten off, but alas he did not so my chance was lost... he wisked away along to wherever was his final destination.

I smiled all the way home...

One step closer

I found a flat finally... close to where I lived before... the places I saw where seriously sketchy... Pretty frightening as all of them were minimum 330 quid a week! So the location for work may not be the best but Sienna and I are going to attempt to commute either by bus or by scooter. I'm sussing out which scooter will be best. If we can do Scooter I imagine us getting there in close to the same time as if we rode a bike which sadly is still a bit too risky for my liking on London roads.

The anti-climax of the flat finding I'm hoping is good. I guess when you wait for something for so long sometimes when you get it there is more resignation rather than delight. I guess once we're in there and we make it ours it will be better!

Sienna's visa came through too and thank god for that as if it didn't I would be in one seriously dubious situation. So for once, the stars aligned.

My lunch meeting today with my recruiter was cancelled so I've got the day to myself! I'm hoping to pop by the art fair and see jo!

Two more weeks to wait till Sienna arrives. I'm gutted not to be with her on her 3rd birthday but what can you do??? We will celebrate as soon as she arrives!

I did actually arrive...

I do sort of feel like I was sucked into a vortex once I i did though. A wash of old memories of having arrived here all those years ago for the first time. It's been so difficult to be without Sienna but also quite good as there is no way on earth I would have been able to flat hunt with her. The market is not very friendly right now and even after pushing back my work start date by a week to try and allow time to view more places... still no joy.

However on the most positive note ever... they finally approved Sienna's settlement visa. I was really begining to worry they wouldn't issue it and then I would be in a nightmare situation. But yesterday they gave me the good news which lightens my heart immensely. So within the next week or so she will be here with me! Lilli not for a few more months yet but we're getting there slowly!

I don't know really how on earth I ended up back here. I was a quick decision made during a very stressful time. All will seem a bit more focused once I am back in a flat that is ours.

I'm mastering the fine art of patience.

kind of...

Waiting...

I'm sitting waiting at the departure lounge at the airport. It's a bittersweet departure as wee me and lilli are not with me. Sienna's visa did not arrive in time and thus she has to wait till it arrives and once it does my mum will bring her over to join me. The dog will have to wait a few months longer until all her paperwork is cleared. Starting again is an exceedingly expensive ordeal especially on your own... but still, I've worked my ass off these last few months to recover from what was left for me to sort out in BCN.

It's been a tough few months in a lot of way but it was made so much easier by being with my family and although not many of them live in Toronto, my friends from all over have been so amazingly supportive and kind. I'm kind of amazed how a series of wrong doings by one selfish person can result in such a long string of things to fix and re-build... but with everything in life, you can but carry on and make good of things that were once really bad. I'm there now. Wee me is there too although it's been even tougher for her as she doesn't understand why things are as they are and struggles to resolve quite just what to make of it all.

In about a week's time I'll be starting a new job in a new city and in a new flat (god willing). Amazing, scary and positive all at the same time. Everyone keeps telling me how strong and brave I am. I don't quite see it that way but I'm trying to believe that perhaps maybe I am and just can't see it??

The flight across from me is boarding to Varadero. Lucky peeps! My flight is full to the rafters of people setting off to hundreds of destinations. The airport is kind of a buzz with anticipation but mostly from the people who are soon to arrive to cuba, but i don't blame them!

NYC was amazing. Spending time with one of my favorite people was really fun and also relaxing. I don't think I quite factored how much it would hurt my heart to leave him at the end of the weekend but I guess that's normal with this big move on the radar for the next day. I got to see Yvonne and Benoit who are as fabulous as ever, and also my beautiful cousin David which was also a delight. We ate, visited the met and did a fair bit of walking around even though it was very chilly. Having a lay in every morning was just a ridiculous luxury. I'm one lucky girl. There is quite simply no doubt about it.

New beginnings are always so much easier in January...

funny that? well okay, yea maybe not. I'm so overrun with things to do in the next 24h I've no idea how I'm going to do it all! I honestly feel like a kid just before xmas... I've even got butterflies in my stomach. I'm sad to be finishing up with my current job but happy to be moving to new adventures and a fab new employer. I'm really hoping that my time in NYC with one of my favorite peeps is just what I need to unwind a bit before jetting off next Monday with wee me for our new chapter of life.

I'm also so happy that I get to see yvonne and benoit and my fabulous cousin David who all hail NYC as their current abodes. What to do while there other then eat and sleep and see some fab art? Shop? Nahh, me? never!

I'm really going to miss my mum who's been with me every day since all the fated events of last August. It's the most time I've spent with her since I was a child. I hope I can remember how to do my own laundry... oops, did I just admit that?

Okay sleep... must happen now or else the rest will be impossible.

Happy New Year everyone. It's quite simply got to be fabulous!

I'm no Social Media Expert

But my heart goes out to the poor Lalaloupsie Facebook content editor this xmas. The dolls are so well loved but may the greedy fuckers who bought 7 dolls for their kids sure are demanding. The packaging is a bitch but come on folks... you have kids... work it out. That's how things roll with kids toys. I really wonder how that poor person is managing who's dealing with the slew of people leaving comments... I left a wee pic of Sienna with hers for fun... my fun of course as I'm quite sure I'm more taken with the damn thing than she is but still... Anyway. hats off to you Lalaloupsie Facebook moderator, it's been a long day!

We had a lovely xmas. Sienna was well tired but I think still managed to have fun. It took the better part of 2h for her to settle for her nap today and then at bedtime it was another 2h until she finally passed out. It's all a bit much for her to process poor thing. She's still got 5 or 6 gifts unopened yet as she couldn't quite cope with opening them yet. So sweet.

Grandpa has astounded us all and pulled up his strength to spend our 'normal' xmas with us. He's such a fighter. Amazing that someone who's approaching a 100 years old is still fighting so hard to savor all he can with his family. We're truly honoured. Mum mentioned to me that he still sleeps cuddled up to my Grandmother every night. I had no idea. What an amazing love story... I can but aspire to such. I've got a lot to learn!

Off to bed now. I'm blissed out in the lovely scent of Coco Chanel. Mum bought me the amazing set for xmas with 5 mini bottles of Channel perfume. I'm loving it. It's the first time in my life I've been given perfume and man, was it worth the wait. Blessed and blissed. Happy Xmas everyone.


Sienna and the infamous Lalaloupsie... telling Isabella all about it.

If there was no more work to do for this certain employer ever again

it wouldn't be too soon :)

Someone got the I've worked more than humanly possible lately and can do no more syndrome? *raises hand* I'm doing my very best to finish this last project for them perfectly. A swan song... best not be a black swan!

Life admin tasks pile up and my room is a wash of legal documents and various other admin things that I've had to contend with in these pas few months. Thinking back, i'm not quite sure how i plowed through it all... It's not over yet. I'm still waiting for the Visa for wee me too arrive... and they have my passport too so it's a waiting game... they said it can take 12 weeks... i had less than 4 when I sent it in. So I guess it's up to the fates now. How much did it hurt to pay that fee for the damn visa? A lot! But hey... it's all part of the process.

I feel like I've forgotten to buy like a zillion xmas presents but you know what? Right now it's just too damn bad. The minute I close the lid on the laptop on xmas even afternoon I hope to be done with it for a good long time... ha who am I fooling?

Happy almost xmas everyone!

This year no one was screaming

but they do look quite serious.


Sienna, Charlotte & Isabella and the trusty Brampton Santa

Work is slowly easing off a bit which is good so I can actually maybe work normal hours and perhaps have the first weekend off in ages... it is xmas and all.

Am I finished my shopping? Lord knows. You get what you get folks and Karm... this year yours is subversive! The clerk didn't know what that meant. I giggled. I'm mean.

I know.... hey well i've paid it forward a bit with regards to karma so lets call it even shall we?

Just a little bit sad

It's been just a little bit sad as for the past year my grandfather has been quite ill and not really getting better... It's great that we're here to spend some time with him but I fear his time is nearly up. I mean he's nearly 92 so that's amazing. It's just hard to see people suffer as they get weaker and weaker and there isn't much you can do to keep their spirits up. So we've been doing daily visits to him and my Grandma to try and keep things jolly. Mum has been baking up a storm and we're carting the goods over to them to enjoy. It's really the strangest thing as you feel terrible that you can't do anything to make it better. Life can be one great challenge after another, learning how to balance the positive and keep focusing on the 'now' is key especially when a loved one is nearing departure.

We're doing our best how to figure it all out and stay strong. Hang on gramps! It's so very nearly xmas.

As the days before xmas tick by

I've been mostly busy working... no surprise there... and working A LOT on this monster project which will be my swan song with my current employer. I've accepted a new job and will be starting in January. Back to old blighty for me and wee me... that is if her settlement visa arrives in time. Ha there's my latest life stress to contend with. I wish I could say that we're swimming in air miles but alas we are not... those things only seem truly profitable for business travellers.

My gym visits have been sparce but there is still time yet to enjoy that wee luxury... We've done birthdays and xmas tree cutting... then shopping and more working and snow duties too. It's always nice to be home at xmas.

On an even more exciting front I'm soooooooo sooooooo lucky to snag a few days for a mini holiday in NYC in the new year. It was a last minute arrangement and it almost feels like a dream to be able to have a tiny bit of 'disconnect' from normal life for a few days with one of my favorite people in the whole world. I can't think of the last time I've been able to relax in a very long time. I am so very fortunate and greatful.

Quite the year... If I wrote all the details of what I've been through here, I'm sure you wouldn't even believe me. I'm wondering if that's too long a title for my novel that I should write?


Okay so it's not like the palm tree option but insert me here in early Jan!

As I write... xmasie weather is fluttering down

Unlike London, Toronto has been very tardy on the snow-front. Something I' m grateful for but today it's arrived and it's quite a calm but quiet flurry.

Working and interviewing for new jobs is very time consuming. I'm sometime not sure how to fit it all in. Then there is the small issue of xmas shopping to finish as well...

Perfect time for a xmas cough and cold. My body just wants to curl up and sleep it off. Sadly, not an option.

As time speeds up on one side I can't help but feel certain things in life suddenly feel even further away. This has got to be my biggest exercise in patience ever... okay, well for a long time. *deep breaths and lots of ahmmmmmmmmmmmms* miss millie would say

We did our best to try and captue one shot of all 3 girls with the great grandparents. It was however, not to be... this is as close as we got. But it was of course the girl's birthday party so there was way too much going on to convince them to stay still for more than 3 seconds.

The Lion is done...

Or so I'm telling myself. Sienna wants him to have a body but i'm not quite sure how to do it... so he's an artistic floating head....


off to the chaos that will be isabella and charlotte's join 1st and 3rd birthday party. Thankful am I that this side of the family offers alcohol :) I know i know...

Sorted!

I'm so happy to report that after a long and heart wrenching battle I've got full legally recognized custody of wee me! I'm sad for her father and the love that I once had for him. I'm sad that lies and deceit and desire for self satisfaction where so great that he let it overtake his life to the point where he had no option but to give up his part in the life of his own child. But also happy about better futures and more positive directions for both her and I. So yes, its' a bit bittersweet but we'll focus on the sweetness as we've had just about enough of the bitterness to last a lifetime.

I've been a busy beaver doing job interviews and laying out future plans and getting things sorted. It feels like spring so too bad it's winter... perhaps we should skip on over to Australia and enjoy their summer instead!?!?

So thank you lucky stars and powers that be as well as friend and family for getting me through these dark days.

I think I could quite possibly be at risk...

Of getting a sun burn through the window. After so many days of gray the sun has finally come out here and I'm soaking up some well needed vitamin D.

My ipod has been re-named to Lazarus as after some kind person in my gym left a present of a puddle of water in the ipod holder on the treadmill it got fizzled... but after some drying out near to the heat register, it came back to life! I'm all too pleased as I really would be very sad to not have it with me at the gym! And I really don't want to drop another 250 bucks for a new one right just now!

I actually had to write a letter to the tax office here requesting to pay taxes... It felt against the law of nature to do so but, required... but after you've been away for a while your tax number becomes inactive. Bank account re-opened and I think nearly ready to acutally invoice for all the work I've been doing. Slowly and surely I'm getting back closer to even after all the expenses that i've had to absorb lately. Secretly I'm convincing myself that I"ll have a big fat 'tropical holiday fund' sorted... a girl can dream can't she?

Dreaming is good, and damn it when my next holiday does become a reality i'll know that i've damn well earned it triple-fold!

(insert me here please)

Thank you courts...

For accepting my petition!!! I'm so pleased that I'm one step closer to fully recognized legal custody and to drawing a line under this dark chapter. Better and brighter things ahead!

Now if I could only get my focus back and plow through all this work that is piling up.

My sister's little Charlotte turned one yesterday. What a tough first year she had... but she's a strong little fighter and as healthy as ever now. She's so cute, even more so now that she's walking.

Not long now until the snow arrives. My winter coat search is still fruitless so in the interim I picked up a cheapie one which I'm sure I'll just end up keeping forever and ever... better than being cold!!!!!